These days come semi-frequently;
the ones where I want so endlessly that there’s no motivation to do anything
other than sit and want more. Everything
is subpar; everyone comes up lacking.
Gifts from God quickly become overshadowed by the gifts he didn’t give
me.
Today, these were the thoughts God
gave me to battle my discontentment:
“[The things I want] aren’t evil
things, but as the idols of my heart, they are. This, right here, right now, is my life. [God is] asking me to obey here and now. Obedience, in this case, isn’t an action, it’s
a reaction. [God is] asking me to have
faith that Jesus is better than all those things that I want. I have Jesus, but right now I don’t have
faith.
“These answers feel so scripted;
how can they be true? How can Jesus
become so alive to me, or rather, I to him, that I see my desires for what they
really are: more sand in this vast desert?
“Some rehearsed answers are
floating through my head: pray and read my Bible; but as I tap on them
precociously to see if they’ll hold up, a high, hollow sound rings in my ears.
“And I just realized why: these are
all me-based things. ‘What can I do to
be happier?’ But that question yields
fruitless answers. I’ve stopped looking
for a reaction and started looking for an action. If I truly understand the gospel, I know there’s
nothing I can do. I can pray and
read my Bible, but those actions, devoid of faith, will leave me trusting that
the air will hold me up and keep me from falling. It just isn’t going to happen.
“Or I can put my miniscule grain of
faith in God. I can look my feelings up
and down, and turn to look to God. I can
hope to feel better, or I can believe that God is better. And the beauty of believing is that I don’t
have to see it. At this moment, I do not
see how God is better. But I can choose
to count it as truth just as I count it as truth that Australia exists.
“The beauty of faith is its power. I have been justified by faith (Rom. 5:1);
I walk by faith (2 Cor. 5:7); I have been saved through faith (Eph. 2:8); I
live by faith (Heb. 10:38); indeed, my faith has overcome the world (1 Jn. 5:4). These are no trifling wonders performed
through faith. If I have faith that in
Jesus all of my desires have been met and satisfied with even more to spare, I
have no doubt that God will prove himself faithful to show me the wonders of his
Son.
“Lord, if just a grain’s worth of
faith can accomplish all that, give me more faith.”
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