Avant que je commence, je dois dire que je n'ai pas d'accents, et je suis desolee. Ca me gene aussi!
Alors, j'y vais encore. Dans un mois exactement, je vais aller en avion au Texas et je vais traverser la frontiere pour aller au Mexique ou je vais travailler dans un orphalinat. Je ne sais pas exactement ce que je vais faire, mais je ne peux pas attendre trouver ce que Dieu a pour moi au Mexique!
Mais avant que vous entendez tous ce que j'ai a dire, je veux vous raconter mon histoire du Mexique.
L'annee passee, je suis allee a cet orphalinat et tout d'un coup, je croyais que Dieu m'a dit que je dois y aller pour travailler avec les bebes. Parce que c'etait une pensee tres opposee a mes plans, mais tres claire et je ne savais pas quoi d'autre je voulais faire, j'ai decide d'y aller. J'irais au Mexique pour une annee et je n'aurais plus besoin de trouer une reponse a la question fameuse, "Qu'est-ce que tu vas faire apres le lycee?" Le plan de Dieu est devenu une echape pour que je n'aie plus besoin d'avoir confiance en Dieu.
Puis, les choses ont mal tourne. Je n'ai rien entendu de l'orphalinat depuis plusieurs mois et "graduation" s'approchait. Au debut, je croyais nonchalamment que tout va s'ameliorer parce que Dieu lui-meme m'a donne mes plans et je n'avais rien a craindre. Mais le temps se passait et rien ne bougeait.
Ensuite, les choses ont commence a bouger..... mais dans le mauvais sens. On ne pensait pas que la maison des bebes serait ouverte pour que j'y aille. J'ai commence a patauger. Est-ce que j'avais tort concernant le plan de Dieu? Qu'est-ce que je ferais maintenant? En essayant de repondre a cette derniere question, je n'ai rien fait. Ce n'etait pas possible de manquer le plan de Dieu encore et avoir tort; ce temps de la vie etait trop importante de choisir rapidemment. Ca, et aussi je n'avais pas de plan de secours.
Mais en essayant de choisir ce que je ferais, j'ai commence a voir que, si ma foi en Dieu--un Dieu reel, vivant, concret, puissant, actif-- est reelle, je n'ai plus besoin d'avoir peur qu'un choix peut ruiner ma vie. Si Dieu est ce qu'il dit qu'il est, il n'y pas de chance que je peux contrecarrer son plan pour moi. Et parce que je suis son enfant, ce plan inevitable sera bien pour moi. Pendant le procede du Mexique, j'ai maltraite le plan de Dieu comme un excuse pour ne rien faire et ainsi ne pas avoir une confiance active que Dieu formerait ma vie en quelquechose belle. Dieu a commence a me montrer que son plan etait concu pour me donner du repos du peur et de l'inquietude, mais pas du repos de l'action et de la confiance.
Une autre belle chose que j'ai trouve dans ce procede etait l'attitude de Dieu avec moi. J'ai decide de ne pas avoir confiance en Dieu, quelquechose que je suis clairement ordonnee a faire, mais Dieu m'a encore traite aec la gentillesse. Mes peches n'ont pas nie la bonte de Dieu, Dieu etait aimant meme au milieu de mes peches et m'a donne ce que je voulais parce qu'il est gentil meme lorsque je lui desobeit.
En ecrivant ces mots, je sais qu'il y a quelquesuns parmi vous qui pense quemon histoire est un peu ridicule. Vous ne croyez pas que Dieu a fait tous ce que j'ai dit, c'etait l'univers qui m'a laisse aller au Mexique et j'attribue ma chance a la providence de Dieu. Je comprends la grandeur de la croyance demandee pour croire mon histoire et c'est possible que je ne croie pas ma propre histoire, sauf que je l'ai vecu. Mais la verite est que Dieu n'est pas qu'un realisateur dans le ciel qui prepare tous selon ce qu'il veut, je crois en lui parce qu'il ets un Dieu personel, un Dieu que j'ai entendu me parler quand j'etais au Mexique il y a une annee. Je sais qu'un blog ne peut jamais exprimer completement ce dont je parle et pourquoi je crois en Dieu, et ce n'etait jamais concu pour faire ca. Je ne sais que je ne peux pas raconter cette histoire sans pareler de Dieu parce qu'il a fait tant dans l'histoire, mais au meme temps je ne veux qu'aucun de mes amis ou ma famille ne tiennent aucun compte a ce que je dis parce que je parle de Dieu. Si vous avez des questions ou vous voulez conteste mes croyances, je veux bien vous parler. Mais pour maintenant, j'espere que vous allez me suivre sur mon aventure mexicaine.
Alors, reposez-vous et preparez-vous pour entendre des histoires de comment je ne peux pas parler espanol, comment je me regle aux heures des bebes (pas de sommeil, oh super!), et la grace de Dieu parmi tous. Je suis certaine que cette histoire sera drole!
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
The beginning of a new story
Well, I'm off again. In one month exactly, I'm taking a flight to Texas and will cross the border to Mexico where I will work at an orphanage for the next year. I will be working in the baby home there and I'm not sure exactly what that will entail, but I'm excited to see what God will do.
But before you all hear all my updates, I think you should hear the back story.
Last year, I went to this orphanage and out of the blue felt a strong calling to work in the new baby home there. Since the calling was so outside of my own plans, seemed so clear, and I had no clue what else to do, I immediately made it my post-highschool plan. I was going to Mexico for a year and now had no need to find an answer to the famous what-are-you-doing-after-highschool question. God's plan became an excuse for me not to trust him.
Then things started to go awry. I heard nothing from the orphanage for months, and graduation was looming closer. At first, I nonchalantly assumed that because I had what ought to be divinely inspired plans, there was nothing to fear, it would all work out. But time kept ticking and nothing moved.
And then, things moved.... in the wrong direction. The baby home wasn't expected to open in time for me to go. I began to flounder. How did I "miss" God's plan? What would I do now? As I tried to answer that last question, I delayed. I couldn't miss God's will again and mess up; this time of life was too important to my future to choose something quickly. That and I had no back-up plan whatsoever.
But as I walked through choosing what to pursue, I began realizing that if my faith in God--a real, living, tangible, active, powerful God-- is real, I no longer needed to fear that a choice could mess up my life. If God is who he says he is, there's no way that I can thwart his plan for my life. And since I'm his child, won't that inescapable plan be good? Through the whole Mexico process, I had misused God's plan for me as an excuse to not act and therefore not actively trust that God would shape my life into something good. God started to show me that his plan was designed to give me rest from fear and worry, but not rest from action and trust.
Another gem that I found in this process was God's attitude toward me. I had decided not to trust God, something I'm blatantly commanded to do, and yet God still acted kindly toward me. My sin didn't negate God's goodness, God was loving even in the midst of my sin and gave me what I wanted because he's kind even when I disobey.
As I'm writing this, I know that some of you might be rolling your eyes right about now. You don't believe in all this God stuff, the universe would have let me go to Mexico anyway and I'm attributing my luckiness to God's providence. I understand the vastness of the belief required to believe my tale and I might not even believe it if I hadn't experienced it. But the truth is that God isn't just a director in the sky setting everything up according to his plan, I believe in him because he's a personal God, one who I heard speak to me when I was in Mexico a year ago. I know a blog post can never completely explain what I'm talking about and why I believe in God, and it was never supposed to. I just know that I can't tell this story without talking about God because he's so involved in it, but at the same time I don't want any of my friends or family to disregard what I have to say because I talk about God. If you ever have questions or want to challenge what I believe, I'm open to talking. In the mean time, I hope you'll stick around and follow me on my Mexican adventure.
So, sit back and get ready to hear about how I fail at speaking Spanish, how I'm adjusting to baby hours (no sleep, oh yay!), and God's grace through it all. I'm sure it'll be entertaining!
But before you all hear all my updates, I think you should hear the back story.
Last year, I went to this orphanage and out of the blue felt a strong calling to work in the new baby home there. Since the calling was so outside of my own plans, seemed so clear, and I had no clue what else to do, I immediately made it my post-highschool plan. I was going to Mexico for a year and now had no need to find an answer to the famous what-are-you-doing-after-highschool question. God's plan became an excuse for me not to trust him.
Then things started to go awry. I heard nothing from the orphanage for months, and graduation was looming closer. At first, I nonchalantly assumed that because I had what ought to be divinely inspired plans, there was nothing to fear, it would all work out. But time kept ticking and nothing moved.
And then, things moved.... in the wrong direction. The baby home wasn't expected to open in time for me to go. I began to flounder. How did I "miss" God's plan? What would I do now? As I tried to answer that last question, I delayed. I couldn't miss God's will again and mess up; this time of life was too important to my future to choose something quickly. That and I had no back-up plan whatsoever.
But as I walked through choosing what to pursue, I began realizing that if my faith in God--a real, living, tangible, active, powerful God-- is real, I no longer needed to fear that a choice could mess up my life. If God is who he says he is, there's no way that I can thwart his plan for my life. And since I'm his child, won't that inescapable plan be good? Through the whole Mexico process, I had misused God's plan for me as an excuse to not act and therefore not actively trust that God would shape my life into something good. God started to show me that his plan was designed to give me rest from fear and worry, but not rest from action and trust.
Another gem that I found in this process was God's attitude toward me. I had decided not to trust God, something I'm blatantly commanded to do, and yet God still acted kindly toward me. My sin didn't negate God's goodness, God was loving even in the midst of my sin and gave me what I wanted because he's kind even when I disobey.
As I'm writing this, I know that some of you might be rolling your eyes right about now. You don't believe in all this God stuff, the universe would have let me go to Mexico anyway and I'm attributing my luckiness to God's providence. I understand the vastness of the belief required to believe my tale and I might not even believe it if I hadn't experienced it. But the truth is that God isn't just a director in the sky setting everything up according to his plan, I believe in him because he's a personal God, one who I heard speak to me when I was in Mexico a year ago. I know a blog post can never completely explain what I'm talking about and why I believe in God, and it was never supposed to. I just know that I can't tell this story without talking about God because he's so involved in it, but at the same time I don't want any of my friends or family to disregard what I have to say because I talk about God. If you ever have questions or want to challenge what I believe, I'm open to talking. In the mean time, I hope you'll stick around and follow me on my Mexican adventure.
So, sit back and get ready to hear about how I fail at speaking Spanish, how I'm adjusting to baby hours (no sleep, oh yay!), and God's grace through it all. I'm sure it'll be entertaining!
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